When the past catches up
“Ha ha! I can’t believe it’s you!” The man extends his hand as if pointing a pistol. I spin around, just to check, but there is no mistaking. The target is me. He wrenches my wrist. “How long has it...
View ArticleA peek inside the cave
The term “man cave” has been added to the dictionary. At last. I’m referring to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, but surely those other country clubs of words and wisdom will follow suit. For once...
View ArticleWhen in doubt, keep running
My buddy grinds his teeth and says, “You know what irks about this country?” And so I summon all the usual suspects . . . The insular mindset? The high cost of living? The crowded trains? The summer...
View ArticleSigns of Kansai
At the end of lunch with an old friend, I point out yet another hole in my Swiss cheese knowledge of Japan. “I’ve never really understood this whole ‘Kansai/Kanto’ thing. I mean, sure, I’ve traveled to...
View ArticleWho is that masked woman?
I lay in bed with a woman with a mask on her face. So I roll her way and coo in her unmasked ear . . . “You can hide your face but not your passion.” To which she sighs and coos back . . . “Oh...
View ArticleDriving me crazy
Next to my house lies a carpet of land not flat enough to resist puddles and not sandy enough to attract cats. It just sits there. Empty. “Symbolic,” says a friend, “of the hole in your life.” He means...
View ArticleAll lost in the lost-and-found
I’d lost my keys. Which is unsettling enough. For you do not begin to truly ransack your brain — where in the rising sun could they be? — until you’ve ransacked your house. And I mean ransack. Drawers...
View ArticleCheering for cherries
If the Grinch — that well-known wet blanket of holiday mirth — were both a betting man and Japanese, it wouldn’t be Christmas he was after. Nor New Year’s, nor the Emperor’s birthday, nor Golden Week,...
View ArticleAwakening the echoes — loud ones
I sit at a table, drinking with an old friend with whom I share a lot, and not just bar tabs. We have both gulped away most of our adult lives in Japan. Long enough to remember not only the bursting of...
View ArticleGolf and Japanese mania for order and rules
If you haven’t noticed, the most popular sports in sports-zany Japan are imports. Home grown offerings — sumo, judo, karate and so on — rank more like your mom’s oatmeal cookies. Nostalgic and...
View ArticleCarping on carp
Whenever you find someone tossing bits of bread into a pond, you have to assume this: Something’s fishy. “Fish?” the guys snorts. “These aren’t fish. They’re carp. Meaning they’re a lot closer to cows....
View ArticleWhat my dentist wants to know
“Ever thought to change your nationality?” This asked by my dentist, as he bent over my mouth and polished my molars with what sounded like a buzz saw. For full effect, repeat his words while running a...
View ArticleA different health standard
It was Friday the 13th. And two health officials showed up at our door. Not doctors. Desk workers. With the unblinking gaze of brains on hold. “You’re a 57-year-old male,” said one. “You’re latest...
View ArticleWhen generations pass on the street
I see him first. The new guy in town. He’s just popped out of a convenience store and has turned in my direction. The walkway pinches in and the only way he can avoid me is to freeze in his tracks and...
View ArticleWhere the wild things aren’t
“I have this idea to get rich quick,” says this friend. Like me, he is underwhelmed by his Japanese income. Unlike me, he still has dreams. He also has my attention. For we all want to get rich and...
View ArticleThe fear of phobias
A peek at “The Phobia List,” a webpage cataloging the accrued fears of our mighty human race, finds a list of over 500 documented phobias. Some on the list are interesting all by themselves. Such as ....
View ArticleThe buzz about cicadas
Japan is entering cicada season, so let me start with a modest observation: Cicadas are the ugliest bugs on earth. I can state this not because I am an expert on bugs, but rather because I am an expert...
View ArticleThe race to be at rest
“Japanese are supposed to be polite. It’s a defining part of the national character.” And before that argument can crash, I back it with . . . “In the same way that bees have buzz, cows say moo, and...
View ArticleA plan for a healthy TV diet
The world is going to pieces. I know because the television told me so. Global warming, economic meltdown, regional conflicts, partisan politics, Justin Bieber. Is there anything good happening?...
View ArticleWhere the skies are not cloudy all day
Recently I once again journeyed back to the gentle plains of my Midwestern home, this time with my younger son in tow. He had been there often enough as a boy. In those days, we spent part of every...
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